How The Fuck Did Niall Horan Become The Best Former Member Of One Direction?
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So, “Pillowtalk” was that song and Zayn is obviously the hottest but I got over that quick because the other boys were releasing new music and Zayn is honestly one of those dream guys that will only hurt you mentally because you can never have him.
But Jesus, this gif. I am whet.
Fader / Via youtube.com
Then, “Sign Of The Times” came out and I had my Harry phase. That fizzled.
Then Liam had me dickmatized with his 73 abs, so I did that whole thing for a hot minute.
BUT THEN, the impossible happened. In the past few months, Niall Horan has become, in my opinion, the absolute best former member of One Direction.
Let me take you on my “Eat, Gay, Love, Niall Horan” journey.
^Me and boulder, mid-hump.
Gurineb / Getty Images
“My Town” was released and I was like, oh, she’s a cute girl. I like this. I can get into this song. I love folk music with positive moral values and a good message.
“Slow Hands” was released and it took three listens until I was like, “Well, fuck me running. This is a bop!”
Then, this is where shit changed me. “Too Much To Ask” was released and I was like 1. This is a great song. 2. I’m crying. 3. Brunette Niall could do what he wants, what he wants with my body.
Then I saw this picture…
*Applies lip gloss*
Yes, the rumors are true. Niall Marie* Horan has chest hair and is a burgeoning cub!
*Not actually his middle name.
That all got me thinking. Bops on bops plus chest hair… that’s it. Yes, the rumors are true: Niall is the best former member of One Direction. We have decided to stan.
THEN, as the gays and Oprah when she gave away mad free shit on her show say, *it gets better*
Niall released his album Flicker.
After first listen it is confirmed and cemented, Niall DID what? He did that!
On “Flicker” we have the gorgeous future single, “On The Loose.”
There’s the lovely mid-tempo bop with progressive country queen, Maren Morris.
And, you know, I just like this song. I’m no music critic so kindly fuck off if you don’t like my review!
Basically, I’m just shocked.
If you told me three years ago that Niall would be my favorite 1D guy I’d kindly say, “YOU GOTTA BE SHITTIN’ ME?!”
Now, at the end of the day when I look in the mirror and ultimately question *who* I am…
Syldavia / Getty Images